Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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