i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
