He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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