haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
