I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
