i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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