Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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