So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
