She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize