It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
