And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
