I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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