There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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