Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
