I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
