Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't deserve a penis
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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