well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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