dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
