She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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