Jerry, you need to find god
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
