I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
