i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
