Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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