i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize