you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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