he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
