It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
