im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
