I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
