I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
