I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize