I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
