i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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