we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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