I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
