i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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