I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
