My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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