we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
