I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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