Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize