is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
