I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
