You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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