He asked to "fluff my boner.."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
