Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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