Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
