I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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