guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize