I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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