Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
