i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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