she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
