I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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