I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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