I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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