took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
