Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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