oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My dad just said "fuck circus"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
