I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
