Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can feel your judgement through the phone
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
