Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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