So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
