alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
