Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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