Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
