she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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