Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Let's get the cat blown out
Never joke about your clitoris.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
