Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
