he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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