I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize