i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize