I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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