is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
