It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
