I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
