I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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