dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize