Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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