Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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