I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I did not marry a roomba.
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