Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
