don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
