how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
