every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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