PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
