dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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