Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This is the high leading the old right now
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
