trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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