I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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