It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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