so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
