Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
