last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
