Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
