That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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