I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
