im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
