I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
