I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
