I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
