have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
