so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
