there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize