Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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