they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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