I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
